Forbidden
by auraluna7
Summary: Small drabble. Nenene and her thoughts one of those days when writer's block is the least of your troubles and you feel your heart will soon stop beating. NeneneYomiko


Disclaimer: i dont own any related character to ROD.

My first ROD work, not a very fantastic one but you have to start somewhere, hope you like it, its just a small drabble.

Forbidden

by auraluna7

Im sitting in front of this headache, damn blank screen...Outside the night has start to fade, outside the daylight will soon warm everything, well maybe not everything, certainly not me and not my lousy stupid heart. I sigh and in that sigh I manage to contain hundreds of unfulfilled wishes...no I am lying... there's not hundreds, there's just one, but that one is so big it could swallow down the whole world.

I stare at the blank screen of the computer again, I'm suppose to write damn it! I'm suppose to give what everyone expects: the great next chapter the fantastic next hit, I'm suppose to do it for the world, but I just do it for _her. Her _now and _her _always... And there she sways into my mind again blocking it all, how couldn't she? If she's all I want? If she's all I need? I remember her voice and the way she smiles, how she's always so careless but somehow so deep.An another sigh cames out, this one deeper and more painful than the last but surely less painful than the next... and the screen? She still mocks me ...still fully blank.

The Irony here without a doubt is that she's still around cause of the words I cannot take out of my head now, was my work what brought her to me in the first place and even though I manage to con myself into thinking there was something else... there's not, she's here for my words not for my love, She's here cause she loves my fantasies, cause she can get inside my delutions and rock herself in my nonsenses, she's not here for me, she's not here for ME. Accept it Nenene!! For the love of the gods, deal with the fact that she's not yours, she never was!!

Even when I can think that she might actually feel a small part of the love wuth which I worship her and smile, its me again who reminds me the cruel truth. She's not alone, she has someone to love...

And another sigh, this time I'm sure the sigh is the premoniton to a tear and I stare the ceiling avoiding such disgusting reaction... all these years I've faced so many enemies but none was worse than myself. Me and my incredibly huge and unstopable way of screwing the best things of my life, me and my bad temper my and my lack of faith, if I ever had a chance with you I certainly screw it and now it's to late, its even late to cry for it. And I know it. But still those disguting weak rivers of pain come out of my eyes and each of one has your name on it, each tear has your smile, each tear is you. "Yomiko..."

I dare to say your name now, here in the dark, here where I hide, where you cannot see me where no one else can. I type a word on the screen and then another and another, and now it's is not blank anymore but somehow it starts to look dangerous and menacing, those words were not suppose to came out, those words are forbidden. And the tears keep coming from a dark place in the bottom of what I think is still my heart and I cannot stop them just Iike I cannot stop the words that start to flood everything and I type faster and faster every second, like pouring out all the poison my rotten love has destilled into my blood and then as the sun shine in my window I realize I manage to get out of myself what i need for you to stay next to me another day...

One more day.

I pray. One more day.

One more day with you and I'll walk away...I lie to myself... knowing tomorrow will be the same, cause tomorrow I'll realize again I cannot live without you that it doesn't matter if you dont love me back I'll love you forever. Why don't I fight for your love? Cause people says so? Cause you got someone else? No. Its not them who I fight. Its myself, I won't fight for you again, you're forbidden , I forbid it myself. I love you so much Yomiko but in this life you and me are not meant to be...

( I know sad and short but thats how it came out, Ill blame the writers block and one of those days...)


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